Let me just start this by saying I am so sorry I have been acting so crazy lately; I don’t know what’s gotten into me. At first, I thought maybe it was because you have been treating me like shit all the time, but then I thought “No way! It’s gotta be me.” And I am so, so sorry for ever assuming otherwise.
It’s probably because I’m just a crazy girl with a crazy hormonal brain that processes information and reacts to it. Like remember that time when I asked you not to make comments about my body being “lumpy” and then you did and I got super upset?
That was so out of line of me to have a feeling and I should have a thicker skin. I was out of line and I really hope you’re able to forgive me for that.
And I should apologize for the time I really went off after I saw you hitting on those girls, you know, the one you were exchanging numbers with when I walked into the bar? No, not that girl, the other girl. You know, the one who looked like me but prettier?
How insane was I to be upset by you accidentally blatantly disrespecting me in front of my face? Obviously you weren’t doing anything wrong on purpose! Silly me, what a loon! I’m genuinely surprised you haven’t locked me up on a funny farm yet the way I fly off the handle!
I have to reiterate that I am really sorry.
And remember that time I had a feeling about the way the things you did affected me?! That must’ve been so awful for you and I will try not to put you through it again.
Please resume ignoring my concerns because, as we both know, they are ridiculous.
But by far, the craziest I get is when I want to be treated with respect. There must be a straightjacket somewhere with my name on it! Weeooo weeoo, that’s the sound of the ambulance that’s on its way to take me to my special padded room! I am sorry you have to deal with me!
So I guess what I’m trying to do is simply apologize. I hope that next time you treat me like a soggy lump of street trash, you’re able to forgive me when I react like that’s a bad thing.
There is no way you could’ve known I don’t like to be treated that way. How could you know?!
Sorry, I can be so dramatic sometimes.
Oh and sorry for apologizing so many times!